My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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