I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
