seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
