was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
