My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
