Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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