do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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