So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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