You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
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it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
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I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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