how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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