OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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