apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
