i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
