When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
