I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
