she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
