I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
