he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
