Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
