I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
