How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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