Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
