This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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