Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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