3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
