Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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