The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
