I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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