I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
