Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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