it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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