so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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