We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
