At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
