I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
