You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
