____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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