im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
