She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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