Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think my vagina is haunted
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
