Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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