but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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