His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
