had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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