...so i touched it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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