My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
