ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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