there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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