3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
