After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
