I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
