For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think this conversation is over.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911