things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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