The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
