Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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