you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
