C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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