The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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