If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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